_____

time is cucking me, where I am both closer than I was before to real-meta-physical freedom of being

it feels that t o p surgery has come and gone, and i missed it 

i imagine the time after it, what happens after the period silence begins, when you’re granted you grasped the ________   you’ve waited eternity for

now what ---- haunts me

i’m haunted by a dull future after initial excitement and shininess newness 

im haunted by the constant potential of the present and the undying -----

the --- that waits came 

from past, but it lives with me 

They happen at the same time, nothing tears them apart, they luv each other

2tmonths ago and my post voice has left me

voice shrills in minor excitement nothing hides  i  verbally emote more than did before, 

my Voice has never been this alive 

unfortunately grief comes from others my mother again grieves my light voice and she will again grieve my light body 

this will never be a time for grieving, and i discourage anyone from participating in that grief i refuse to let anyone believe that im dying that im dead, dont understand no one could see the dreadful existence he was living before

this is more life-giving than cruel, you see me in my happiness queerdom my transness and fuc       king 

                      smile

-ELi